Talk about spoiling nature, history and culture in one brightly yellow trimed swoop.  Do you know how many trips they’ve ruined for me?  Nearly all of them.  I can’t step outside with out seeing something that i’ve seen better on National Geographic complete with Morgan Freeman voiceover and London Philharmonic back up.  Pisses me right off.  I can’t get outside without being let down anymore.

Here’s an example of the dreaded GeoSUCK in action spoiling Mayanism for Germans everywhere.  And YES I chose the image of National Geographic Deutschland on purpose.

Wanna climb a mountain?  What for when i can get a better view of it in front of my tardtube!!  It’s sick and sad all at once.  I mean i know they are out to show the world to people, but do they have to do SUCH a good job that people would rather watch them then actually experience it?!?!

“Hey Keeper………………………………………………………..You Suck!” 

When i was a kid i used to get these animal magazines.  Every month we’d get another issue that was completely dedicated to one animal.  It would have articles about what it ate, where it lived, complete with full skeletal and musculature centerfolds.  Each issue came with this index card that had the basic info on it that we kept in this green plastic clip top container.  Come to think of it those magazines were Awesome.  For some reason I loved those magazines and was at least exposed to learning when I was a kid.  We had a lot of books AND a nintendo, which, lets face it, is how it has to be unless you want your kids to grow up disconneted and socially retarted.  So we (my 2 brothers and 1 sister) weren’t idiots on either side of things. 

The point of all of this is that I’ve never been to Africa either BUT I’ve been introduced by a co-worker to the new age version of what i had as a kid.  Take a look.

http://wavelit.com/?ch=Wildlife&sh=africam

So Africa is like 9 hours ahead of us, so you have to watch it in the mornings or really late at night to get any real action.  But on this wildlife preserve they’ve got this live feed webcam, and when there’s action during the day someones actually controlling it, following Lions around, baboons, zebras, all kinds of things around this water hold on the preserve. 

What’s best is that it’s all real live wildlife.  This morning we saw 2 male lions caseing the joint, and a group of 6-8 baboons.  I like to leave it on while i’m at work and hear the primates talk to one another, makes the office seem a bit more outdoors, and who doesn’t love the outdoors?

I know you.  You’re sitting here staring into the light of your computer screen, irreparably damaging your eyes, thinking Pirates don’t exist.  Well don’t ever say that to these guys.

These guys want your booty, and they’ve got the armament to take it.  With Anti-tank rockets, full auto machine guns, speed boats, and cahones the size of Saudi Arabia, these guys are ready and willing to pirate your ass, without the use of lubricants.

I was reading today about how these sea dogs still exist, and how they’ve upgraded their tactics and weponry, so I just had to let you know that they are still around, and recruiting.  I was gonna be a teacher but, who knows, someday this could be us.

And your mother would be so proud.

If you don’t know about a site called the Wooster Collective, you should check it out.  I was on there the other day and found one of the coolest things i’ve seen in a long time.  Back in May in London, in the city square, there appeared this….

“Oh look a huge barrel of fun right in London Square.”  Then the next morning…Shazam.  That’s right “Shazam!”

They’ve got huge puppets, everyone in costume, huge production right?

Simultaneously there were released 4 stories in the local papers the four days these things were happening in the city square.  The story tells the tale of a Sultan who has these troubled dreams of a girl wandering lost through time.  So the Sultan gathers engineers and they build this Giant Elephant that can travel through time.  each snippet is about 3 pages long, and freakin inventive. 

On the last day, that barrel ….well, see for yourself.

here’s a link to read the stories…  http://www.thesultanselephant.com/thestory/thestory.php

It’s all the work of Royal de Luxe.  It’s some pretty amazing stuff.  Here’s their main page where you can read the stories and check out more about the troup. http://www.thesultanselephant.com/ 

I have no idea how to insert a picture in my posts.  It’s pretty frustrating cause i wanna tell you all this story about this thing i saw, i have a picture, and it will be so awesome to tell if i could only show you the picture.  Sadness abounds, the people weep, and I am left alone with my incompetence.  (iI’m pretty sure I spelled that wrong)  Oh the pain of it all.

I hate sports. 

-Retard says: “Hey wanna play some ball tonight?” I respond: ”No, frankly you should know better.” 

-Idiot asks: “Dude, there’s some guys getting together to watch the game tonight wanna come?” I respond: ”Weren’t you ever listening to anything I’ve ever said?”

-Random dode in any hallway at BYU: “Oh man you should have been there, I was on fire.”  I comment: “Yo, you’re yelling, We’re alll glad you made your first 3 pointer in life, but could you shut up a bit?”

These aren’t fictional senarios written for comedic effect, these are quotes from real life in real time.  I’m not a team sports participant. I won’t watch the game with you, and i don’t want to hear about yours.  Play basketball? please?! soccer? Fuck you., etc.

Since listing exceptions to the rule is the worst way for defining anything, i’ve decided to include the one exception.  I enjoy volleyball.

There’s something about jumping in the air and smashing the crap out of a ball that makes my heart flutter.  Twisting through the air like a drunken bailarina? Right at the top of the list of Awesome.   Diving on a hardwood floor in pursuit of the ball? extasy. 

So, to all you sports fans, I hold up a flag of truce.  You’re aaalllll-right.

I usually have time in the morning to sit down at my desk, muse over a few ideas, then write a post. 

These past 2 weeks, that has not been the case.

What’s happend is that we lost someone at our little company.  I don’t know what happend, one minute she was at her desk and the next, she was gone, misplaced, lost in the literal sense of the word.

So now, when i come to work at 9 am….I’m the only one here.  So my scheduled time to blog about the overall averageness of my life, has been lost.  (No, not misplaced, robbed from me) 

However this morning i’m finding that things are remarkable slow, so i thought i’d say hello.